"December and early January" is the thirty-fourth video in the EverymanHYBRID series.

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A few notes: "Yes. We had a brief run-in. A blocked number called Vin's cell and mumbled something about 'keeping Mittens warm.' "

Mittens was Vince's family cat and had passed away a few years ago (six). The call ticked us off so we checked out the spot behind Vin's house, just into the woods, where they had buried the cat. As you can see, we found some somewhat-fresh blood, obviously not belonging to the previously buried cat. It's grave was tarnished; we returned the next morning to fix it.

(And no, Evan did not charge this time. However, we all spent that weekend with flu-like symptoms.)

We also later confronted Stephanie about the saved message on her phone. She was going to tell us. I can understand why she was afraid to mention it.

In my eyes, it's simply closure.

Happy new year, whatever that means. Hell, we're still breathing and mostly smiling. -Jeff


[The guys, plus Damsel, are sitting in a restaurant.]

Damsel: [Holding a 'medium' clothing size label upside down] "W." What size is that?

Vince: Wumbo.

Evan: "M." It's for...

Jeff: [interrupting] Dial W for Wumbo.

Evan: Whah? Mumba!

Damsel: [Sticks the label on Evan's arm] It's W. For woman.

Evan: [Affecting a voice] Get that the fuck off my arm!

[Damsel laughs]

Evan: Thank you.

[Cut to black for a few seconds then Evan, Damsel and Jeff on a dark leather sofa. Damsel and Evan have game controllers.]

Evan: Can I do that? [reading game screen] Call is...

Jeff: [simultaneously] She's dead.

Evan: Restart cam-paggin?

Jeff: Yes.

Damsel: Campaign.

Evan: Cam-paggin.

Jeff: Cam-paggin. It's French.

Damsel: Okay.

[A few seconds of black then a close up on a Christmas candle, and a Wawa cup of yellow soda. Evan is behind camera, focusing on Vince. Evan is singing a Christmas carol in Latin.]

Vince: [Over Evan's singing] Guy's we're gonna start but we gave Evan an energy drink/soda. It was a perfect idea actually, but in... uh... happy news I guess? Good news?

Evan: Happy news, bro?

Vince: Happy news.

Evan: Really?

[Jump cut in footage]

Vince: In case you guys didn't realize, [Evan makes an animal noise] or not happy news... anyway...

Evan: [Over Vince, affecting a newscaster voice] 37 people died on a bus today!

Vince: Steph... that's not even funny... Steph...

[Both laugh, then another jump cut]

Vince: Steph went downstairs and [screen goes black] left her phone with the two biggest in real life trolls ever.

Evan: [Whispering.] Gotta be quiet bro. [Image returns]

Vince: So what we're gonna do, we're gonna mess with her phone a little bit. And I'm thinking, I'm thinking that we should change her voicemail? And let's see what's going on.

Evan: Change her voicemail?

Vince: Change her voicemail. [He begins to fidget with the phone, Evan laughs.] Oh, it's...

Evan: [Affecting a girl's voice with a lisp] Oy, this is Steph's phone. [Drop's the voice] Oh, is there a saved one?

Phone: Hello. You have one saved voice mail. First voice message:

Vince: [Over phone] Saved message! Let's listen to this!

Evan: Cause you know this is gonna be good.

Voicemail Recording of Jessa's Voice: [Static] Steph, Steph, that thing you were talking about [Static] I saw it, Steph I saw wh... he's real he's right here. You're right you're so right what the hell does he want? I think he's following me [screaming in the background] Steph, please please pick up [high pitched maniacal laughter] Oh God Oh G... [Jessa's voice distorts as the laughter continues. Then several bursts of static.

Jeff enters the room behind Vince.]

Phone: End of saved messages.

Vince: [Turning to see Jeff.] Oh, shit. [He grabs the phone]

[Several seconds of black then Evan and Damsel in the basement.]

Evan: Alright. This is a little strange, a little formal but I wanted to, I wanted to ask you, you know, a simple question...

Jeff: [Interrupting] The masses demand answers.

Evan: Uh huh. And we... we demand answers.

Jeff: [Simultaneously] We need them.

Evan: We broke you out...

[Cut to a scene from "Damsel," Vince running down the hall]

Evan: Whoa whoa whoa hold on Jeff's--

[Cut back to the basement]

Evan: ...not only because, you know, because you didn't belong there, but also, because we think that you can help us. You seem to know more about this. One thing I want to ask you is... how do we stop him?

Damsel: There's... I highly doubt that there's any way to stop him. I mean, you guys have tried to stop him more than I've tried to stop him, and, like, I'm just a, I'm just a victim.

[Brief cut to black.]

Damsel: I'm sorry, I just, I just don't think that there's any way... to stop him.

Evan: Great.

Damsel: I don't think he has a weakness.

Evan: Oh, well, yeah, I mean... we've tried everything short of a rocket launcher.

Jeff: Maybe a bigger car?

Evan: Maybe a bigger car. Maybe a bigger car with knives attached to the front and baseball bats swinging from the top.

Jeff: And my brother doing a handstand on the front.

Evan: That'll work.

[Brief cut to black.]

Damsel: [Video returns mid-sentence] ...know but most of everything that you know is already out there.

[Cut to the exterior of Vince's house, dark, snow on the ground. We see Vince walking in front of the camera with a flashlight. There are several lines that are unintelligible over the sound of the snow crunching, but they come up on a patch of ground where the snow is red.]

Jeff: What the fuck is this?

Evan: Looks like red slushie.

Vince: This...

Jeff: How long's it been since Mittens died?

Vince: Six years. Mittens's been dead for six years. There... there was no blood.

Evan: If that's blood it's been here for a while.

Vince: No. Not six years a while. Let's get out of here right now.

Jeff: Oh... well...

Vince: C'mon Jeff, don't fuck around.

[They turn back towards the house. There are a few more lines that are unintelligible over the sound of the snow crunching, and Jeff's breathing. Jeff sniffs, and then coughs. There is a building audio distortion as the camera focuses on the porch of the house. Slenderman can be seen standing on the porch, then video distortion warps the screen, and the scene goes black.

Scene returns to Evan and Vince sitting on the leather sofa. Jeff is filming.]

Jeff: People are gonna be wanting answers.

Evan: Alright, well, then they're not going to get any. I mean, she's not some oracle that knows everything about this... about our situation, I mean, she's just a scared girl. She's just hiding from something that's dangerous.

Jeff: The only way she got this far is because she makes herself ignorant.

Evan: Yeah, exactly.

Vince: Yeah.

Evan: Exactly. So...

Jeff: [Over Evan] That's her secret.

Evan: I mean, there's nothing we can learn from her, but at least she's with people who know what she's going through.

Vince: Exactly.


  • Vince can be seen wearing a purple wristband in the final scene.
  • Evan's remark that "W" stands for "Wumbo" is a reference to an episode of Spongebob Squarepants.

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